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An Illustrated Life


Fear is a a funny thing. Everybody has them, and a lot of them are pretty ridiculous. 

I personally have two big fears. Snakes,

and being startled while I pee.

I feel as if these fears are perfectly legitimate. It’s not like I’m afraid of cotton-balls or something. I’m afraid of snakes because snakes are evil, snakes are literally the devil. Think about it. Also because they’re slimy…. probably. I’ve never wanted to touch one so maybe not,  but they look slimy. 

And i’m afraid of the pee thing because well, if you get startled when you pee, you get embarrassment all down your front.

It has only happened once, and it was due to betrayal in the comfort of my own home, but just imagine such an event in public! There you are, stalls of a sports stadium, a man bursts through the door loudly and suddenly and bang! Your fear-filled wayward spray makes a mess. It’s just not bueno. 

What’s cool about my fears though, is that they are the fears of a brilliant man! 

Exhibit A: Snakes. Sure they may not be the scariest animals ever, and there are plenty of girls and small children who have them as pets, but ya know who else is afraid of snakes?

That’s right, fear of snakes=Indiana Jones=Badass=I’m a total badass.

Exhibit 2: Fear of being startled while I pee. For this fear, another simple equation is the key.

Being startled=Fear=FEAR ITSELF

And that’s why I’m the best ever. The End.

  1. anillustratedlife posted this

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